I started this blog with the goal of making this a feed for a podcast called "already been chewed." I still plan to do this, but I haven't figured out how to make the time yet. I figured I would just write down some of my thoughts and come back later to post a podcast on the topic. So, here goes...
Discussion #1- Suffering
I was diagnosed with colon cancer in July of 2005. I had surgery the same day I was diagnosed, and my surgeon removed a large tumor along with about a third of my colon. While recovering from the surgery, they found spots on my liver that they suspected were malignant as well. All tests so far have come back negative for cancer, so that has been great. It looks like they were able to get all of the cancer. I went through six months of chemotherapy to try to kill any cancer cells that my be remaining in my body. I finished that about three weeks ago, and I am slowly recovering from its effects.
This experience in my life has caused me to rethink what I understand about suffering. I am a little reluctant to call this experience "suffering" because there are so many people who suffer more than me, but I guess you could say that about anything you go through. It is by far the most difficult thing I have had to go through in my life up to this point. These are the things that have been most difficult for me (in no particular order)...
1. For about two weeks, we didn't know how bad the cancer was and if I would live through it
2. The physical pain from the surgery and chemotherapy
3. Watching my family worry about me
4. Not having the energy to do ministry as well as I would like
5. Not having the energy to spend time with my wife and to play with my boys like I would like
You may notice something that is missing from the list- something like "wondering where God is". Believe me, I don't say this because I am a spiritual giant, but I just didn't struggle with that. My theology of a fallen world easily explains to me why bad things happen. The world is broken, and things like this happen to people all the time. God created a perfect world and mankind rebelled against Him. This resulted in a world filled with disease, pain and suffering (physical, relational, spiritual, etc.).
The harder question to answer is, "Why did God allow this to happen to me." Believing as I do that God is an all-powerful God, He has the ability to prevent anything He wants from happening. But the question, I have come to understand, is a misunderstanding of suffering. The Bible presents suffering as a blessing, as a grace given to us by God. I know that sounds strange- believe me it took me a while to embrace it. But take a look at a couple passages of Scripture...
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation." (Romans 5:3-4; New Living Translation)
"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." (James 1:2-4; The Message)
The passage in James is one of my favorites. Notice a few principles James teaches...
1. Suffering is a gift. God allows suffering because He wants to give us something. The suffeirng is the conduit that God is using to bless us.
2. Suffering gives us a gauge of our faith. How we handle suffering helps us know how much we really trust God. For me, this was both encouraging and challenging. Laying in a hospital bed wondering if you are going to live or die causes you to really think about your faith. I remember thinking, "Do I really believe this stuff? Is Jesus really the Savior of the world who gave me eternal life?" At the time, God brought the Scripture to mind when Peter told Jesus, "Lord, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life. We believe them, and we know you are the Holy One of God." So, that's what I told God, and it brought me a lot of comfort.
3. Suffering should be embraced. Our natural inclination is to run from it, but when we do, we miss out on what God is trying to give us.
4. Suffering matures us. It changes us. It forms us more into the image of Christ.
So, here's the bottom line- how I now understand suffering in the life of a person who is trying to live in the way of Jesus. God has new places that he wants to take us- he wants our faith in Him to be stronger; he wants us to have stronger character; he wants us to overflow with the fruits of the Spirit. But what He knows is that we will never experience a depth in those areas apart from suffering. So, like any good father would do, he chooses to do what is better for us over our comfort.
Before this experience with cancer, our youngest son, Seth, became very sick. He caught some type of virus that put him in the hospital because of severe dehydration. When they tried to administer IV fluids, his veins had collapsed and they were having a lot of problems accessing them. So, they asked me to hold him down while they fished around in his arms and legs for a useable vein. This was excrutiating for me and for him. My 1 yr. old boy was screaming at the top of his lungs and looking at me with eyes that said, "Daddy, why are you letting them do this to me; you are supposed to protect me!" Now, what kind of Dad would I have been had I given in to his screams? I knew that he needed those fluids more than he needed to be comfortable, and I was willing to experience the pain of his screams and allow him to experience pain because I knew that is what he needed.
That is what God does for us. So, I have learned to embrace suffering. I don't enjoy going through it, but I would never trade the spiritual growth I have experienced from it for anything. I don't know what the future holds for me. Hopefully, I'm done with it, but whatever God chooses is OK with me. I trust Him. I know that whatever He allows is for my good and that He is doing it to shape me into what He wants me to be.
Well, I didn't intend for that to be so long, but if you enjoyed it, you can subscribe to the "Already Been Chewed" podcast, and I will talk about it more in depth. You can use this feed...http://feeds.feedburner.com/alreadybeenchewed or just search for "Already Been Chewed" in the iTunes music store.
